UPDATE: I played more, and won several matches on 100cc. It stresses my hand a lot and I keep getting little message bubbles appearing on my screen. I was right about not being able to relax once a match starts. There also seems to be a leveling system where you can unlock better cars and gliders. Maybe that's cool for some people. Not great for a phone game.

I downloaded the new Mario Kart Tour game on my phone, and these are my first impressions.

Credentials: You don't need to see my credentials okay? I know a fun game when I see one. Oh, and I've owned every Nintendo console that's ever come out. I own two Nintendo Switches and I have every Mario game except for that crossover game where they team up with those Rabbids. I don't have the Mario Olympics games either. I'm still ride or die when it comes to Mario.

Registration: You're gonna have to have a Nintendo account. I'm not sure if you have to pay for the online part. I already have two Nintendo Online accounts, so when I linked my phone to my account, it was all streamlined. I could see the process being really annoying for those who don't have a Nintendo account and just want to jump into the fun.

The Download: My game is technically still downloading. You will need to have a strong wifi signal to download the game. Before it's finished, you'll get to tinker with the controls in a sort tutorial run as Toad.

Oh god. My first impressions are that it's bad. I can see competitive gamers getting good at it and playing against one another. This is a great option if you don't already have Mario Kart 8 Deluxe on the Nintendo Switch. Phone gamers tend to want to play something more chill. I want to be able to pause my game at any moment. I want to be able to experience every second at my leisure. Once you start a race in Mario Kart, it seems like you're pretty much locked in.

Sorry mom! Let me finish two more laps. Nope, put it down, lose the race, hurt your stats.

It's Mario Kart so you're all going to have to see for yourselves if you like it or not. I suggest getting a SNES emulator and playing the original ... Or maybe finding a Gamecube and doing things right with some Double Dash.

I'm not giving it a definitive score yet. I haven't played enough. I enjoy wasting your time, don't I?